Moving Forward in the Spiritual Life

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"Is This All There is?: Spirituality for the Long Haul", "Moving Forward in the Spiritual Life"

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the end of the take an array of humor asked to show your a are you talk about earlier today
yes that's a series of books for updates are the more the liturgical year and university has been kind of understanding how the readings for the sunday masses to fit in with a surgical year and there's always a section and this by and
average person epiphany so it also has some explanation of the daily readings as well and this is a smaller older furnishing have something similar by benedict and called adrian no set
the attributes wants out of print but again these kind of tickets are available at a b and the is so use books to us a thirty eight yeah pretty sure you know kidding yeah yeah he had been likely to have some of these sort of thing female check anything
you asked to make is amazingly wonderful recommendations so yeah show you if you ask can see it lots for folks at part of the church in the arab scam you in iraq and resurrection and that
it specifically in regard to end and the t-shirt three books that i use every year with this one is called them watch for the lioness readings for advent and christmas by
contemporary and recent authors which you know chapters on on different topics including now
henri down going back to bernard of clairvaux cats and neurons at doris
isaac heading to the whole range and that when they write is
d professor at creighton university and she's written a lot she is appalled the vigil keeping watch and season a price comment and another book that i know as out of print
books don't to print all that much more so sorry to say it's a series that was published by the publisher is called ltp liturgy training publications sponsored by the archdiocese of chicago so some years ago new cardinal new direction know
more this sauce
in fact this was published back in the same as healthy
eighty eight so but again it's got what i like about that is for different days of the season of advent of just as just lovely little short readings from scriptures and other places so it's a kind of thing that you could use to feed yourself throughout the season
really good so again you want to look at some of these a finally some picture books
if you get tired for words you want to just look at pictures it's three volume series called imaging the word and
it's based on a common lectionary which is used by level the reformed churches and wanted to ask for you know particular sunday's you modern contemporary and classical art
prayers music poetry again tyrant with the readings for the sundays and then it's a three volume said and so it's just another way it to
break open the word for you and finally
this is what's called a parallel bible so in here you've got four different translations of the bible the robot new by standard new american new jerusalem and the revised to english now the benefit of doing this is
you are reading from a usually you'll be hearing from the nrsv or the new american but you'll find that there are some slight differences in the translations from the various sports and sometimes just reading it from a different translation can again open the word up for
for you so
this is a i think i find this a real treasure so i'm of the two mentioned negatives
for i got it done and i turn everything over paul
my but i'm thinking gets to gander
and denise you may feel christine doctors painter heaters were and instead her latest book on the desert fathers can be seen that look as the and or oh okay yeah it's really a nice and cook if few like familiar with the and way of the pilgrim you know the annotated version and the land of where you
tavern website the pilgrim is speaking on the other say there's little notes about what was happening and start with all this kind of surrounding information and it helps you snap the ancient words and focus and that's what she's done within then selected handful the desert fathers scenes so i
i find it to really good tool for doing like sale arm and saying that the desert fathers and her last name is falters hyphens paint ner
christine anyway a chance this website and yeah she has the abbey party websites since he answered can probably find some kids them any of the arts can pretty out was i think that progress from program here
and we were looking on this little list and realizing we haven't quite finished it the patent about hearing they'll not so now way this group or out here grab your trip and group is this your get your mouth this shitting on jack
steph was going to stand i have a pet yeah you seem to be a kind either
why do you want the to congress to be in the atmosphere oh okay
we must say that gonna move
hi def outside
i have you tackle that ah
mr man
just life
now that's both that's
the place we need your ideas at the designated place if you covered to whether it's just so behind the dresser or now just as far in
now that
ten of sad net curtains yes are some are now become an education ah we've taken over all behringer yeah you can manage every the feeling yeah yeah
i will pray that system that you suggested for he was that jesus guy it's scenario continues singing as i never particular type of and yeah this to trail and ongoing practice yes well am i pray and wrap yes good at english and said i am a around
and a bad
yeah a second glance pereira said he needed the most at those times anyway intervention are rushing heights elementary yeah yeah a fan of america is to say come on jesus the is
and a yes my goodness or com and they have gone the download grew so i said that era is my work and it just makes me stop do
whoever i'm really not animals yes the mail of time and we to get my news
yeah that's fake so much the same beginning of a rather that they're thinking a guy every minute practice program and the last yeah the sound a lot that literacy and perfect appears in africa he began consciously thinking that guy i think he at ten minutes and five minutes
one efforts to look one minute he would be a college and became its kind of living in paris is a yeah without actually saying that jesus prayer words yes them every activity can be a prayer washing dishes you can make it into a prayer and my husband had
give a class two young mothers who couldn't come to his class of church so she came to their home and he told them changing diapers makes it and true prayer and so it didn't feel so bad anymore are changing him
that's really because you know that every single thing find ourselves whatever you do you shouldn't be prayer and until scholars with you whatever you can read more and sometimes a treasure for urgent their tickets professor what we have monday and that's what brother lawrence to on first get practice practices
of ecosystem great website sacred space and then there's three minute medication so care workers on anything else also on the run i seem to be listening to the radians love songs and just
i guess more speed
oh what a racecar arresting yeah definitely
a bit hot hot a bridge branch go and and this action that society can enhance our to yes it does it hasn't affected me this pay attention to like a lot costly
we started eight years of knowledge and nine couple of other outlets went to the large freeman simon retreat or for adds a weekend or a long weekend or something and
it was all set of meditation at the end of it we got to talk not lunchtime and so we said we should do that we shouldn't start something and so is about seven years it will maybe that we started this and every monday evening at forty five in the top of our bar and
people come go yeah sometimes i'll come once never come back believe that core group has been doing this for a long term in you know the winter it's all dark and sometimes re in cetera it can be really hot out there it's a totally unfinished parliament are rodents and
that now it seems to like that they just it's as face that we've taken over from invitation group some people are very very appreciative if someone's willing to open up their home to do that you know so that's better atmosphere
k and then this what about not needing to earn god's love that atrocity the status or trivia
the camera was kind of focused around
getting away from the act to way to live with the my himself a little experience going to realizing that
the nature of god's love for us that it's not a double will reduce it's the way to we love our kids people who learn to the anymore
snow so are you saying that made me a way to keep that in mind is through our own life for others and then i was attempting to let others that way
lit up so they say when she was suddenly your work will fall of you just child has for visibility and preserve it back so you be evil and do that
read okay
and ways that you found to have been lying to yourself this especially if you suffer from my favorites and saying the glory and he to or love for of people and had
mom
yeah i've given up instead of and eight hundred well my favorite way to remember that that comes from the occasion and the whole students terms that picture of in of jesus gathering us together like full checks and we yeah yeah
i'm on the country he stood up with this ropes out and all was disappearing and lovely pics from no matter where he's at home he has awesome
we've learned to really beautiful things about medieval cathedrals and that sunday pendant on the stained glass windows to convey these gorgeous stories the parables in an age where most people can read the rules so they learned mover learning through this symbolic country
on a face and i think gestures like matter if you keep those images and sometimes and just really house in onto two months to keep it in like poetry is good for that know if you get a line of poetry when he said that know jesus the mornings i think of the kinda guy to grandeur like hopkins
so the holy spirit in ruins over s lincoln soft breasted bird you know it just it keeps that in our minds and then a i want to up to this
an atmosphere for sometimes if you're doing what she heard of a little lion will stick with you so three by five card in your pocket can can be useful for that or
ah scripture just pops into your head if you get exposed to it enough i like as we do with of of prey massages as often as we do so like on the when the fog is coming nobody i think of the line to from the sounds of touch the mountains read them and smoke
know such that's what it could look like here when the fog comes in
when i was doing more more work i found coffee breaks and a lunchtime was at the time to those i was make sure to get those end
have demonstrated moment you know just to in some sort of prayer at those times too because of that that cylinder and i talked about the liturgical year but there's also the liturgical day and right
so getting up to forty five and celebrating your own vigils like paul lot of
head for the you know that just have a fuse if you have time and the morning to spend a little bit but if you just have if you don't as this is a new dames is the beginning you know midday prayer moment just to to settle oneself you know them the evening on the way
back or whatever and them a moment and night you are just a kind of mark the passage of time was a moment of prayer and to develop as a habit can can be on
because i'm having i can't know i in your house and on sundays that after at hands on small children the kind of may happen nine hundred number and i know that neighbor boy and a three years old i have no idea to have been the church
in spite of that i had a nice and cool of those free people and and i said well that you know polluted they look like tear he said and think it's god
wow
the right
yeah
and the way that makes me to believe that there's something inherently attractive to all of us if we can see that growing up in health again thank god and crack but the the you know that they're in some ways they're a so attractive it can look very other guests but they really are designed to
you to take to take one inside and get a glimpse of something beyond so
and to go back to in and not leaking live in a nutshell i teach children manage it and i have this money said
and i couldn't give preparing you talking about faction and the you pushed and the you really definitely to send you see that claim they never and see if that you'd have to them that's now and nicely are enough
so much reduction and making the image of thought room and plenty to teach day and until the dia and mean you've convinced yourself
this help wins i i think the the and the i do disarmament to program their own records and i have a patient vantage
i'm only talking and the objects yeah case tasty really small token like the handmaid's in my first communion at i yeah yeah and have a global offensive tissue can cases of the good shepherd and time about only a every time and masterpiece from other time
any kids are amazing amazing insects and okay action as an engineer and disillusioned that in organize a to child with each shape and if you see somebody the some kids who has fallen in outside in the thing and i said it will really help them as i say that
i've kind of history history of se and they had that happen especially not begin until you know or maybe had their it can change in attitude
so remember a art linklater area
news with kids and pretty amazing how that there's a writer rapper to left lifton left left left and called the spiritual lives of children if you know i'm most seventy i had an additional time of year is where they talked about you know a very profound way
it's important to remind ourselves that we haven't lost that either you know that that that that's something that we have to have to re access and i think set things right and i think as as we you know move along and time with this it we do find ourselves reacts and scientists now
a lender hear something a compliment the less dear maria montessori and in section of the in italy yeah can rewire into they were contemporaries and she just she wrote allow her religious sense of melody and yeah thats whatever a few religious
said to them and tell and and containers is an ulcer the presence of bar because when i asked me hey pair people laugh and i say now that we're staying in cases of ninety six to isn't me and your eyes for a moment and handley page
he and starred as we are being the presence of up and he says you trust
very good thing and they don't have see wifi and they knocked out at this level know how racism car
to up again
a wonderful candidates that their house a little time kids
that
well maybe we will shift our to these questions can as a way to kind of energy's the desert by the project is anything is it is a real have yet just maybe in answering these questions the starting to get an address that
it's a little hysterical and try to pressure yeah just real briefly so
we have the period of christ we have a period of the apostles and then we had to that is a period of of martyrdom so that the flame of the spirit was really alive
two sense to persecution suffering that jesus had so did those people in the first hundred two hundred years or so afterward but then that the church became part of organize society and so we moved from what they've called in on the red aggro of of mars
those counters of blood to the white robed markers and so people were going to commit themselves they wanted a more intense experience and effective to answer these sorts of questions so there was as movement into the desert
that they were hermit but if it's important to remember that they weren't as isolated as as people sometimes think because people were forever knocking out their caves and a little huts stash and for was going on and they move out a little further and thing can happen that's sort of thing and this took place in the middle
east and a particularly in egypt and we had the beginning of this with the individual people living
an individual permits than permits and community the the technical name called the laura a right for that in fact the kemal the laser loosely based on that kind of idea of a community of pyramids and then with call me escape on movement towards
larger than he actually this case for the time to retire rather huge communities of people living thousands yes thousands you know this this this monastic impulse and know that there's something quite powerful it's good because the monastic input
else's is very close to you know in terms of time between the the first moment of christ and
while we continue to have martyrs throughout the state will allow more monastics so that's kind of nice i think so
and i think the power that and continues to expand and different in new ways and they were really after this deep deep deep connection with christ preparing them selves for the anti
in which they had a sense for it's going to be much nearer than in fact it was but because of what they did writing down of that we have their very powerful fresh words to humanity know eric in your lenders in innovators from the are isolated
their stories just kept working event center and years can wow the in it was it was one of the things that has the competitiveness and guess not just a couple of years layers set said i can remember memories first impression that hermanson
so i had a huge effect on our imaginations are religious imagination so so didn't to know myself to run integrity eight a nine these people in oregon your three ft or something out there the palestinian and egyptian desert so i just childhood
notes down here
maybe it was not it this way and then turn it back to how we can apply that actually sent me the most critical or they were expecting to know thyself are now meant to the able to see into one's on second red zone soul
and in ways that we think we can see if we really are often ninety and says it's like an increase says and vision and to wrapping a quiet habits and by attitude and behavior for getting away and deeper relationship
i am those kind of internal obstacles
the week plants and scientists
that was one the name or accurate and then
until they haven't you learned to see that stuff so realistically and it was through these various spiritual discipline some of which seem extreme to ask families are fasting was a big one in our oil that severe restriction most types of third what we like to get as extreme poverty you know living room
well to knit most animals or whenever and everything seemed very
no extreme if wrap up the american sharp and point to very much so that again and think they act they've acted on their imaginations of athletes because they served us these kinds of symbol that this way it looks like when you take jesus's birth lehrer you know sell everything you own
given to the car and follow me you know some have dead birds have nest that the son of man has nowhere to lay his head you know so the right now ask well they did that they didn't there and and the disciplines were first around a way to learn to see because if
you tried to ask and discover that you were totally incapable of doing a new had a problem in relationship to food either ascending i needed to be an ass and were probably spending too much focus on t
focus is making money to not
and then the various books they size habitual behaviors and in ways of thinking of minutes ways of thinking you know patterns of judgment sound righteousness whatever unless we began to be revealed in essex and then selves physically and guess themselves basically you know they were brought up to a mere
wish to see those cells and then the same kinds of practices are different worlds with be used to try to and
get past that particular habit and develop new one said there is a whole array of when they approach a difference in of whatever most vigils like praying during the night pursuing my sleep
for chastity is a big one ah intended to help remove the distraction set that prevented like pay like singaporean august that's what they are apt
and so to never been ten in meant if do the things that are heard inscription or from the represent the elders to practice what my preach or to walk the hopkins we'll take today you know i was very much an active type of life of spiritual life
and what's that makes sense from him okay said when how can one learn to contend with seemingly having trouble for some telesales smooth and in as a planet after after with a preferred name is anne
live laugh familiarity with a wide array of takes fifteen minutes
and their defense against that to for basically to put on the armor and price have and they really found themselves as soon enough for these events at and the name like attend this is through watching a thoughts as guarding the heart so known as
the what came flying end nine that office internally generated there's no the default which has asked the he learned dimensional nasty off and we have about something so sometimes however they will see it as coming in the external attack by way of and five
you know one of the reasons i recommended that but those bugs by
kyriakos marquee is that the orthodox cypriot guy is because he spend a lot of time laying out that own business of watching their thoughts and guarding the heart in a way that's very understandable a lot of sense guys and a hard him to do with a deeper level of shield the
self birch get to you know seeking to maintain a certain set of equanimity yes
keep invitations your are passionate passionate lists to panic and you understood feel passionate but a the vessel saying from our former director religion psychiatry and vinegar and for i also was everything interesting is messy and everything messy is inherently
had to happen so if you ignorant i will i recommend that that phrase and that attitude when you're attending to your thoughts so rather than you know becoming it's a read or guilty or shameful or whatever it as you become aware of what's happening inside
just isn't that interesting
coming up with you
striving for some understanding
and use a philosopher and i don't recall his name might not and he made a up a nice distinction between seeking of understanding versus are currently under unders understanding note occurred they approach to mastery so because the early tradition would talk about me
mastering the passions but what they were really talking about was having a deep understanding of them nowadays we talk about mastering it's it's more associate in our anthropological sending now which is different than that that and will has to do more with power to know people are masters
of things that we strive to be masters know the we strive for understanding because that's more of associated with wisdom that mastery for it in our current setting even though they would use the word differently that and is many more words that sounded like iran and you know
yeah that's what happens when monks or take out the habit when they're given that they're they're getting the cow the tunic and six year and and the hood and that so you're you're putting on the fluff
the phrases are often scripture but it is all about this our marine those are the phrase and scat and in the old days when monks would put their habits and they would say those prayers to themselves every time it within her petition were wearing a hat
you know defending themselves against the these kind of i've seen when a couple of horses last year like a crescent recitation of songs when they practice stations meditation and inscription
you know the traditional right to this book at least ten
there your word written texts out at least was originally five or so clearly some people critically and there are a number of people who have an african desert who are highly educated and last urges or i'll tear her government people and so they didn't have implications for the rest of me
that primary way of taking inspection was memorizing it and in the now and and then and through this s cases or practice and these various spiritual decent growth and not involve developing humility
that was that is
front my goals for the treasure every day i was gonna follow this all this stuff was intended to some morality itself in that sense there's no room for that vision of nasty as a power mastery still that to keep oneself
from preventing oneself from moving to my god international life
sebastian anger at keeping it as a way to keep them being derailed by ear flaps prayer and and
so well as a possibility of achieving freedom from these horses and a sense of lv of available case
well veil and upset and think this is just a quick solution that it was at that point where run and finally given up his oh well sorry what take that are cemetery that interesting than other it was able to arrested in the providence of god and we had a conversation after the last session
one about how does that differ from a kind of passivity or even fatalism you know all i to do is sit around and think holly facts and that's been interesting to me from an eight or whatever or make all the changes that making a magic wand over me is clearly was a very active
kind of practice interrogation that they weren't in that sense at all custom that they don't see their own propensity to get her own way back in the kind of get so we're going to leave this last line for tomorrow morning because it's so giant to talk about this whole business as well i didn't need to get one south lab
that for now just for the time we have left and wondering how we live how they to this or can now less with a i sat here
oh okay
he
yeah are these questions meaningful to do i have a meaningful today zara a modern
yes can have it's really about your rescue reason i heard about britain was
have had on my my
the word holy think we're and user all time that i'm do me so i spend next to our can stay in room comment that it's almost meeting is almost synonymous with integrity
so incense holders completely complete mess we beseech
in the separate and we both the steam and authentic so that those haven't really helped that's really help me understand it's idea of becoming a holiday it's like be true too deep this
dope in myself we just got so
you know maybe it's a simple thing may be understanding the words that that i use the prayers have been very helpful maybe bringing him into a more modern in the sense of the words now turmeric okay have access to the knowing nine days parents are these scripture
the things they say type breaking down with that means the park said we don't get five now and any not as and plenty and let that this is a sense of team and he is an attendant and broken whole he doesn't somebody else having and up
yes yes is just one equipment the aim is to kaminsky scenes you know history big on and for the set and the crucial
yes i'm so so i say yes yeah i think so i think it's true yes got you thomas merton the
simultaneously a psychoanalytic fields or the writers were also talking about this notion of true or false self and on
it's true from the a spiritual standpoint psychological sent with a stand for different things in some ways but they are but they are similar and others but you know so to know who won is you not to peel back layers of inauthenticity or where falseness and
your that's that process of of revealing what's in that you know in their picks the time that as we work through these things we just ended to a class here recognize it you've said am still have gotten on that front of the sale for is that the
ignacio so the psychologists say that we moved from having these egos syntactic ah
symptoms to ego dystonic so that is when we start recognizing you know the false and authentic aspects of ourselves and start putting knows the side so the first step as to be you know to be uncomfortably have to learn to be uncomfortable with some of the things that were altogether too comfortable with
and that's something to be interested in you know it's mess because this house again so whenever something is messy than that's that's smooth here's here's something and i get to look at is a wonderful
it's been a internet a generic kind of personal level from the i've mentioned vainglorious been a identified it that was part of the job of getting to know now then what do you do about it you know you'd start figuring out what practice is emily engaged in a daily basis at feed it you know him him to scary stories i've
a surgeon to create held himself at the end of the day in the hospital after doing surgeries so day he rushed over to see which if be a beat all the other doctors thompson monk and terms of how many we pulled up bakery can be dangerous to one's assets
no vainglory vainglorious has a very strong temptation to line you know the vainglorious person can't bear to be seen in a bad light a negative light because that that constitutes failing to get love person seeking so that i
i began to have to get aware of and might i am i tempted to prevaricate here and there to keep myself from looking at a bad life somebody mentioned to me that they appreciated my candor that's a practice
who exactly is it is a way of diffusing that temptation always to look in the best light you know it's been a very effective painted to have it both in writing and speaking so that's what i'm talking about in that make sense you know that begin to identify those things and then start working
was not not as an antagonist are you know any one of the big steps in life for me in terms of this vainglory thing as i always looked back my only child stuff as disgusting because when you're vainglorious you're always wanting to get better better better you know so when you look back on t you know who is
that wretched creature and one that as a were what bands a poor a little and
and that's a big major step for me you know yes the largest still isn't some chips against the pass and introspection little isn't to observe yourself as if you are standing on a belt the didn't watch it yourself roof and give yourself an honest is not what you
think of you are but we really are yes right in which with they says is the essence of humility to see yourself as you are that's very difficult not best kind of grandiose thing has obvious abject were you know who revels in their awfulness
a shame but monologist who you are
however as essay
am getting back to thomas que or cute you know with was the meditative processes people are often shocked to see that the kind of things that emerged during the meditation you know and again isn't an interesting
the families that me to have a sense of in church and was good
this if we may be a new discovery to you but it's not news to go or
hello around north
how to do was ask
the next of and that's gonna say you know the high spirit is right there are always great female to the aren't yourself a week and a half and they it a habit of asking
jesus really think about this what has happened guess why am i reacting this way he well the last you where you have i haven't be asked about and willing to pass we knew about this it's a big deal to us to answers we don't want my feeling on time i'm pretty sure i know
to of sister than think i mentioned her to you is their wife them the pasture with gigantic mega-church and a senior pastor in the church has ten pastorate that's a big drums again so she is spent her entire adult life totally and behind light you know and
and and being a lifetime protestant you know she told me when tokyo's i just don't know how new people go to confession she said i sat and five and five and that i can't think of a single thing from that i didn't eat and i said okay
hey i know that you are working really really hard to be dead branch but you might want to pray about that guy to show you if there is anything you might need to confess she told me later that she within that week she had a dream
team where she was sitting in the front room and auditorium filled on people there was a movie going it it's about her and her life
horrifying experience so we care for
she now understands the purpose of confession
one yes in the desert fathers the ritual pasti a who chastity poverty i think we can incorporate that and analyzed a as zo and then this before hill have you
tried any of them
why they're so
hi australia
i have had experiences
being jobless so that teaches you a lot about yourself them for me and my husband herman has an awesome job and that that was very
the very good experience in a us
and the fasting yes i'm always working online
you know that kind of thing eliminating things bad for with again anything drastic with this teach you that a result and found that i was addicted to solve them do that and there was a addiction i had no idea of deep denial about it because
cause i in canada so my luggage was trying to come up and a doctor can make as a result is an alley processed foods out getting the salt
and i had acupuncture say
you're in a swelling in your back you my assault as like okay
and still no i'm gonna try to add some i make food
i had will then it dawned on me and salt shaker in my hand or and side stopped added salt and extremities to blue moon and like oh an apple is sweet is call them apples and was thing oh for this book process us brown
it's the
the service and then he was example
the
the bet like you just said in a kind of symbolically can apply also to you know printing our life in a deep or spiritually as once these time a little crutches and handicap start giving identified and brushed aside suddenly you're tasting life and a much deeper level right yeah it can come
through somebody a hand it over here
the yes update essence of this for me and it's this were mad cuz you mentioned merely because
it seems like you know use of the root of what's wrong with me any wife of almost everything anything but simple in and so if i get involved something i'm doing that i think you know
he didn't act why i should have them i put that to prepare and i said think about that are i wake up in morning so the dawns on me how i was humble i wanna know why were you just are so move over is ours
that being rolled into this age you know
well maybe even more so because we are basically where urge to to our own words in this era and mean you almost have to yell to be heard because they're summoned so many other voices already raised you know just visit the internet you know like in the com boxes on the internet everybody's kind of prancing around
i'm saying their peace and we feel like if we don't do that or just kinda get steamrollered right over you know who's gonna listen to us if we never talk and we never all the popularity of facebook yeah persona share your magnetic to the grand right so for example he urged to snow
no i am very true piano many opportunities in autism actually have the opposite of humility fostered by the type naturally but you know what you're talking about different kinds of fasting and giving things up one of the ways that we talk about with our problem it should be states is that
we're working to practice elected simplicity is so this poverty that has sometimes a bad
you know people shouldn't necessarily be poor but you know if if we think in terms of you know choosing to be simple and various aspects of our life know that that that's that's an important practice shooting and them that applies to to solve anything extreme social life possessions attitudes to
it's many all of that stuff and schedules us look for me you know roughing it is a four star hotel so
simplicity that i go to a three times as i can pack a backpack
know and thirty five fifty three okay bells were ringing in my next us so we should let you call back tomorrow when they have problems that fashionable really focus was on his last